Earlier in April, I had the opportunity to participate in a
prayer vigil sponsored by HSHS Good Shepherd Hospital here in Shelbyville. As I stood in the crisp, bright sunlight
waiting for my turn to speak, I heard the testimony of a brave woman as she spoke
to the audience assembled about the abuse she suffered in her childhood. Her story was riveting, her bravery was
amazing and the end of her story was happy as she spoke of the people who had
been there for her and for her abusive parent.
She and her family have a healthy, close relationship now and she raised
her kids in a completely different atmosphere.
These results are possible when people care and when the cycle of abuse
is broken and healthier behaviors are put in place.
Abuse is a learned behavior.
It is not caused by anger, by alcohol or by drugs, but these
intoxicating substances can certainly heighten its severity. Children and animals are sometimes the
“collateral damage” of domestic violence.
Usually, mom…and sometimes dad…….is the target of the abuse, but kids
are hurt physically as well. Older kids,
especially, can be hurt while trying to protect mom. I have heard many victims say “Oh, he never
hurts the kids; he is a good dad.” This
is definitely not true. The main job Dad
has in the relationship is treating Mom well; when he fails to do that he is
abusing the entire family. Kids who only
hear abuse can be just as traumatized as if it were directed to them. In fact, the emotional “bruises” left on the
human psyche may never heal. Bruises and
broken bones are likely to heal much faster.
The negative comments and attacks on one’s self-worth may not go
away. Children pick up on the tensions
in the household even if they are not always right in the room where abuse
occurs. Don’t ever assume the abuse is a
secret from your children. Stories like
the one told at the prayer vigil remind us, however, that if the cycle of abuse
can be broken, positive change is very possible. Kids are also very resilient and most have an
incredible ability to bounce back. At
the end of the prayer vigil, the attendees “planted” blue and silver pinwheels
on the hospital grounds to signify the hope that can come with the ending of an
abusive situation. I drive by the
hospital several times each day going to and from my office. Each time I go by I smile at all the happy
little pinwheels twirling in the breeze, a timely reminder of what can happen
when the cycle of abuse is broken.
I dream of a day when there are no more silver and blue
pinwheels in April for Child Abuse Awareness and no more purple ribbons in
October as we mourn victims and celebrate survivors of domestic violence. I long for the day when there is no reason
for my job to exist. But, in the
meantime, what can we all do?? As
children, most of us learned to mind our own business and not to tattle on our
siblings or our friends. When dealing
with abuse…….or suspected abuse………those rules should be ignored. Abuse is my business, and it is your
business. If you see or hear something
that makes you suspicious, speak up. Law
enforcement can do their jobs so much better if we report suspicious behavior
rather than ignore it. We can also let
suspected victims know that someone cares.
At a workshop I attended recently, the speaker pointed out that it takes
one caring adult to make a difference in the life of a child who feels that no
one cares. If you get a chance to be
that one person to someone, please do it.
We can….and we must…..be kind. It is easier to smile than to frown. You will feel better and the target or your
smile will feel better. Smiles, like
laughter, are contagious. Every person
we meet has some struggle we know nothing about; if we can’t solve their
problems, we can at least not add to them.
The proliferation of negativity in social media and in the political
arena has changed our world, and not for the better. We are becoming a cruel and finger-pointing
society, fueled by the ability to hide behind a keyboard and say things most
people would never dream of saying face to face. We can change this….all of us together…….and
simply being kind is a good beginning.
Be the change you want to see.
I am reminded of a story I read in a Lenten Devotional about
a little girl from the country who was visiting a large city with her family in
the early 1900s before electricity was common.
She was fascinated watching the lamplighter who was going from street
light to street light in the dusk, lighting the gas lamps. She called her mother to the window of the
hotel room as she said excitedly, “Look, Mommy, he is poking holes in the
darkness”. Take every opportunity you
get to poke a hole in someone’s darkness.
Finally, another thing we can do should come naturally to
all of us. Mother Teresa long professed
that love began and was best taught at home.
I close with her words, “If you want to bring happiness to the whole
world, go home and love your family.”
Susie Kensil
Shelby County Coordinator
Comments
Post a Comment